Most things are better when I am involved. It's only the natural order of things.
[He ignores that pause - he can't allow himself to imagine what was supposed to come after it.
This boy has put such a strange hole in his ego, one that Gilgamesh has grown so accustomed to that he hardly notices it anymore. Even without the command spells, Gilgamesh casually regards Tokiomi as his "Master" and as such, has become prone to assenting to his requests. Gilgamesh has told himself that it's a simple matter of choice, that he has chosen Tokiomi as Master because it is familiar and convenient, and that he has allowed the very altering of his memories and ego because it makes living in this world all the more comfortable. Ultimately, though in a way Gilgamesh may never recognize, the logic is circular -- Tokiomi is the reason these things are allowed. Tokiomi has become something precious, beyond a treasure, beyond Master, and even now Gilgamesh assumes the sole act of being together makes life pleasurable.]
I would expect nothing less. How fortunate that I did not have to ask...
[Hearing Tokiomi talk like he's going to be okay is an ease on Gil's mind - the fits of sudden illness are becoming scarier, and any reprieve from that is desperately welcomed.]
Unfortunately, I'm afraid I'm still not very good at it.
[After all, they've only been fooling around for a few short months, and he knew nothing of sex before that. Right now it's just a topic to get both their minds off the curse, though. Even as he talks, Tokiomi's eyes close and his voice gets softer and more mumbled.]
[He leans against Tokiomi a bit, a small sign of affection. Perhaps Tokiomi wasn't nearly as experienced as some of Gilgamesh's other partners, but there are some things you can't outclass a Sumerian prostitute in. Somehow, he can't say he's ever been dissatisfied - the lack of experience is a turn on in and of itself.]
Unfortunately, that's the last happy moment they get to have. After that point, the illness takes a sharp downhill turn, and Tokiomi never really "wakes up". The fever has simply spiked too high, and any time he isn't asleep he's completely delirious, only able to whine about the pain, the heat, the chill, the nausea and any other thing. When he's able to focus enough to think about anything else, it's only to ask for Gil or, when he has him there, to reach for his hand and hold on tight.
Another three days and he's not strong enough to hold onto it anymore. It's about four am, and finally, finally his breathing calms while he's still conscious. For the first time in days, his eyes focus -- and immediately he tries to sit up, almost frantically looking around the room for his companion.]
[Gilgamesh makes a habit of sparkling out when the rest of the household appears to care for Tokiomi. He has no interest in answering to them - not to Kiritsugu, not to Byakuya or Kariya's grouching, not to Illya's demands, and most certainly not to Shirou's "are you okay?"s. Now he cannot conveniently ignore them, though he makes sport of calling Shirou to his aid with a dagger or two from the Gate of Babylon.
But when they're alone and Tokiomi stirs, Gilgamesh is by his side instantly. He holds Tokiomi's hand and tries not to shiver himself - He refuses to lose this friend.
So when Tokiomi sits up, startlingly lucid, it takes mere moments for the King of Heroes to appear, his expression all faux amusement]
[His voice is hoarse, barely even a whisper. He's so tired -- everything hurts, everything's weak, and he's exhausted. It's too much to stay sitting for more than a moment, so he flops back as soon as Gil's in sight.]
Three days. You aren't beyond for forgiveness, however.
[He'll forgive Tokiomi as long as he recovers, really. To ensure this happens, he takes his usual perch on the side of the bed and ruffles Tokiomi's hair fondly]
[He says it with a defeated tone, not even bothering to reach for Gil's hand this time. There's a certainty down to his very bones that he's dying. It hits him with a sudden clarity, and in that moment the stubborn struggle that's been there even at the worst of it is gone. All at once, the spark of his will is visibly snuffed. There's nothing left but letting go.]
Gilgamesh can't forgive being left alone. He can't forgive Tokiomi for giving up. He can't forgive the world for taking someone else precious away. He is a harsh king, but he forgives far too many things about this era.
[He doesn't want to make Gil hate him. He doesn't want to give up his future. He doesn't want to hurt this much, but he doesn't want to stop feeling anything. He's scared. He's not ready to die yet. Not remotely. But he doesn't think he can hang on much longer, and he doesn't know how to make it stop.
He's crying before he can stop himself, bringing his hands up to cover it and shaking uncontrollably. His tone of voice can only be described as desperate, searching for something to keep him afloat when all he can see is drowning.]
What am I supposed to do? I don't want to die. I don't!
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[The weariness in Tokiomi's voice catches his attention, and for a moment he's concerned all over again.]
...do you require rest?
[He needs the reassurance that Tokiomi will wake up again. Only then will he allow sleep.]
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[He's a bit afraid to close his eyes himself. But he needs to take care of himself, and he's sure he can hang on another day or two at least.]
Will you stay?
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[Yes, in other words.]
This position is comfortable enough, anyways, though I may stir you if I choose to move.
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Ah. I'll just sleep better this way.
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[He ignores that pause - he can't allow himself to imagine what was supposed to come after it.
This boy has put such a strange hole in his ego, one that Gilgamesh has grown so accustomed to that he hardly notices it anymore. Even without the command spells, Gilgamesh casually regards Tokiomi as his "Master" and as such, has become prone to assenting to his requests. Gilgamesh has told himself that it's a simple matter of choice, that he has chosen Tokiomi as Master because it is familiar and convenient, and that he has allowed the very altering of his memories and ego because it makes living in this world all the more comfortable. Ultimately, though in a way Gilgamesh may never recognize, the logic is circular -- Tokiomi is the reason these things are allowed. Tokiomi has become something precious, beyond a treasure, beyond Master, and even now Gilgamesh assumes the sole act of being together makes life pleasurable.]
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[He is tired, but not so tired he can't pull Gil's head down for a brief kiss.]
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And as a proper leader, you put actions to your words.
[Look at how pleased he is. Oddly pleased. Gosh Tokiomi you make him fucking weird sometimes.]
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[Hearing Tokiomi talk like he's going to be okay is an ease on Gil's mind - the fits of sudden illness are becoming scarier, and any reprieve from that is desperately welcomed.]
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[After all, they've only been fooling around for a few short months, and he knew nothing of sex before that. Right now it's just a topic to get both their minds off the curse, though. Even as he talks, Tokiomi's eyes close and his voice gets softer and more mumbled.]
Can I sleep now?
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[He leans against Tokiomi a bit, a small sign of affection. Perhaps Tokiomi wasn't nearly as experienced as some of Gilgamesh's other partners, but there are some things you can't outclass a Sumerian prostitute in. Somehow, he can't say he's ever been dissatisfied - the lack of experience is a turn on in and of itself.]
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Unfortunately, that's the last happy moment they get to have. After that point, the illness takes a sharp downhill turn, and Tokiomi never really "wakes up". The fever has simply spiked too high, and any time he isn't asleep he's completely delirious, only able to whine about the pain, the heat, the chill, the nausea and any other thing. When he's able to focus enough to think about anything else, it's only to ask for Gil or, when he has him there, to reach for his hand and hold on tight.
Another three days and he's not strong enough to hold onto it anymore. It's about four am, and finally, finally his breathing calms while he's still conscious. For the first time in days, his eyes focus -- and immediately he tries to sit up, almost frantically looking around the room for his companion.]
...Gilgamesh?
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But when they're alone and Tokiomi stirs, Gilgamesh is by his side instantly. He holds Tokiomi's hand and tries not to shiver himself - He refuses to lose this friend.
So when Tokiomi sits up, startlingly lucid, it takes mere moments for the King of Heroes to appear, his expression all faux amusement]
So you finally wake. You kept me waiting.
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[His voice is hoarse, barely even a whisper. He's so tired -- everything hurts, everything's weak, and he's exhausted. It's too much to stay sitting for more than a moment, so he flops back as soon as Gil's in sight.]
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[He'll forgive Tokiomi as long as he recovers, really. To ensure this happens, he takes his usual perch on the side of the bed and ruffles Tokiomi's hair fondly]
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[He says it with a defeated tone, not even bothering to reach for Gil's hand this time. There's a certainty down to his very bones that he's dying. It hits him with a sudden clarity, and in that moment the stubborn struggle that's been there even at the worst of it is gone. All at once, the spark of his will is visibly snuffed. There's nothing left but letting go.]
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Gilgamesh can't forgive being left alone. He can't forgive Tokiomi for giving up. He can't forgive the world for taking someone else precious away. He is a harsh king, but he forgives far too many things about this era.
He cannot imagine he could forgive this.]
I would not if you betray my expectations.
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[He doesn't want to make Gil hate him. He doesn't want to give up his future. He doesn't want to hurt this much, but he doesn't want to stop feeling anything. He's scared. He's not ready to die yet. Not remotely. But he doesn't think he can hang on much longer, and he doesn't know how to make it stop.
He's crying before he can stop himself, bringing his hands up to cover it and shaking uncontrollably. His tone of voice can only be described as desperate, searching for something to keep him afloat when all he can see is drowning.]
What am I supposed to do? I don't want to die. I don't!
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