streetwalkers | TRAINWRECK AU MASTER POST

[oh mother fuck]

...Where's Shinji?

I already took care of that.

[FUCK. He's just going to push past her and follow the blood trail then WHERE IS MY KID???]

[ whoa -- ! she stumbles back a couple of steps and watches.
i don't know what you're expecting to find there but
shinji is pretty dead. freshly dead, but dead all of the same. ]

[WELL HE WAS KIND OF HOPING FOR A MIRACLE. But since he's not going to get one he's just. Gonna stand there in stunned horror for a few moments. This is entirely too much "no" to process.]

N-No way...

[ she pouts a little defensively ]

He can't hurt you anymore!
I fixed it! He'll never hurt you again!

That's not fixed!

[It's not, and it's not remotely okay. He feels like he's going to be sick. He wants to puke, an d his legs are too shaky to hold him up anymore. He'll just double-check for a pulse while he's down here, and when there isn't one he'll curl up, cradling the corpse and pressing his face into Shinji's hair.

He can't handle it. The idea that he'll never seen that bratty pout again, or watch the boys cuddle up, or even get into arguments, is too much to bear. It's his fault for telling her the wrong things, but... But it's still not fair.]

This isn't what I wanted! It's-- Shinji-- You got it wrong, so...

[So give him back. Only that's not possible, and Byakuya knows it, so he's just going to trail off and dissolve into tears.]

I'm sorry...

[ she's watching this, bewildered. byakuya had said this was part of his fault. all the pain she sees in him, watches him try to endure every day... it was because of this person, wasn't it? and yet, he looks so sad, cradling his body like this. maybe he would almost look peaceful if he weren't covered in blood. the clothes covering his chest and abdomen are soaked, and line of still wet blood trailed from his mouth. it's a mess. how can he hold him like this?

why is he crying.
why.
she'd done a good thing. she was protecting byakuya.
... right? ]

I-I didn't get it wrong! He hurt you!
He hurt you so much! He was bad!

Shut up! I don't care!

[Of course he does, or did. He didn't like the complete failure that was his relationship with Shinji. But that doesn't change the fact that he's a father, or that so much of what he's gone through has been for him. He's been pathetic and he's failed at almost all of it, but that's the core of what he's kept going for, all these years. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do like this.]

I don't care. That was-- It wasn't our fault! I just-- What the hell do you think I've been enduring everything for?! He's all I had left!

[ how does he not realize that she's just released him from prison? relieved him of his greatest burden? she doesn't understand this reaction at all. this wasn't supposed to happen. and though she is visibly upset with byakuya's being upset, she holds no remorse for destroying shinji. he was no good for anyone and it's better that he's dead. ]

You're free now and he can't hurt you anymore! If you d-don't realize that now, then you will soon! [ she grits her teeth. ] I have to get rid of everyone who hurts you!

No you fucking don't, you stupid little bitch!

[That's not possible, anyway. She'd die up against either Kotomine, and she really ought to realize that. Part of Byakuya wants to let her find out the hard way. It would only be fair for her to get her ass kicked, or even die.

But as soon as he's thought that he feels sick. Much as he wants to hate her, he can't, really. She's his too, just like Shinji and just like Shirou. It's only bad luck that he ends up with the crazy ones. And speaking of Shirou...]

Fuck.

[And that's bad, right? Definitely. So he takes a deep breath and makes himself let go of the body, hiccuping and wiping at his face with bloody hands.]

Shirou's going to kill us both, I hope you know. You won't be able to beat him. And I'm not losing any more family, so-- s-so we just have to-- We just have to clean this up before he gets home...

[ she gasps, looking rather dismayed that he's call her something like that even though she definitely just murdered his only son in cold blood. she's having a little more trouble composing herself as her eyes start to tear up, too. she doesn't want to think she killed someone for nothing! she was trying to do good things. ]

But... I did it because I love you! I love you so much! [ it's all she ever wants really, is to be shown love. she never gets it in this shitty place and it was all because of shinji and kotomine. so how did this get so fucked up? it was a fool proof plan. ] I-I'm a good girl...

[ she's confused. for the moment, her moronic and frightening thoughts of destroying kirei kotomine and playing in his guts for just a little while fly away because daddy needs her help. ]

Mm. Okay. [ she'd do whatever he wanted, ultimately. crouching down, she gathers shinji's legs. she had actually forgotten to consider shirou. while she thinks she could beat him, she wasn't going to argue at this very second. ]

You're a crazy fuck is what you are. You're damnded lucky I don't just let Shirou gut you.

[In that regard, he doesn't have to hold back. He can lash out. That much is more than deserved. There isn't anything he can say to her that could hurt as bad as he's hurting right now, after all. It's all he can do to stay composed enough to help. If he had his way, he'd just give up and die. But there's kids to think of, so instead he tries to hold it together for now.]

Let's just... We can throw it in the basement. They'll take care of it.

[ she's still not sorry she killed him, but she's sorry that he's upset. though she does flinch visibly when he suggests the basement. that would be the most efficient, for sure, but it really sets in what she's done and how disrespectfully they're going to dispose of him. did anyone really deserve to be fed to those things even if they were awful? she's not even sure she knows the answer. ]

Y-you said he was why things were this way... th-that's what you said! That it was his fault! That it was Kotomine's fault! I'm sorry -- [ she sniffles, standing up and making her way down the hall, helping carry shinji. she feels sick to her stomach. she's never killed anyone on her own, actually. she always had lancer do it. everything felt so surreal right now. ]

You should be sorry. Do you think your dad wants you dead when he's mad at you, or when you're being a brat?

I-I've never said such horrible things to my father! I would never strike my father!

Yeah? Well you're still nuts, so I bet he can understand how I feel anyway.

I-I thought I was doing a good thing... I thought I was defeating a monster for you... [ he keeps wavering between defensive and defeat while her legs start to shake more the closer they get to the basement. ]

You weren't.

[That's all he has to say on the subject. All his concentration is on not melting down, so he has no time for someone else's panic.

Once they get to the basement, he takes a deep breath to steady himself against the gut fear, and kicks the door open with one foot.]

Just shut up and throw it.

[ fuck. she doesn't quite comprehend having done something wrong, because she's never wrong. she only knows that byakuya is really unhappy with her and that feels like a stab to her own chest. swallowing the lump in her throat, she bites her bottom lip and they toss shinji to the worms.

wow.
that's really gross.
damn, son. ]

[Well. There it goes.

This is, somehow, less terrifying than when it was Shinji's mom getting eaten by worms. Then again, she wasn't dead yet when she got thrown in there.

It actually makes him feel kind of numb.

Huh.

He's really gone that easily, huh?

Maybe Byakuya can just be done, now.]

...Let's clean the floor.

[ the worms are eager as always and shinji's corpse doesn't last very long before it disappears completely into the writhing swarm. makoto can't really help but stare in both admiration and horror, never really having witnessed them in this particular brand of "action". her knees still wobble and her hands still tremble; her heart still aches knowing that even after saving him from one of his assaulters, byakuya was unhappy with her. (to say the very least.) she exhales, ragged before he speaks and nods compliantly in response. ]

Mm. [ silently, she follows. a mixture of both docile and rigid and she collects cleaning supplies with byakuya and they begin to work on removing all evidence that any gruesome murder occurred here. everything she's said in her defense so far, her evaluations of shinji's character down to her proclamations of love for byakuya haven't done anything but anger him, so she's unsure of whether or not she ought to even open her mouth.

it frustrates her, though. and though she doesn't cry audibly, her tears mix in with the bleach she uses to scrub the floor clean. she doesn't understand how doing the right thing could leave her feeling this awful. she wants to go home. maybe no one will ever love her here. maybe she's ruined her chance. ]

[If he really hated her, he'd have pushed her off the stairs. To be honest, he strongly considered it, too. But no, for some reason he feels attached. As much as it's killing him to have Shinji gone, he can't stand the idea of losing more kids. So instead he just stays quiet, helping clean with a mechanical kind of thoroughness.

It's as if a switch inside of him is turned off. He's blank, because if he wasn't he wouldn't be able to cope at all. For now, it's enough just that his body is still moving.]

[ she sort of wonders why he didn't, too. if he hurts enough, he ought to. she's not used to messing up like this and she doesn't know how to make it better she doesn't want shinji to be back, he NEEDS to stay dead where he belongs for byakuya's safety, but... ]

I th-think... th-this is clean enough. [ she stands, looking down at her bloodstained clothing. ] I'm going to change.

...Yeah.

[He doesn't say anything else because he doesn't want to let her in on what's going through his head right now. The floor is definitely clean. He's not drunk or crazy enough to hallucinate. But somehow he feels like it's not clean enough -- it won't ever be. There's a weird, raw impulse in his chest telling him to just keep scrubbing, as if trying hard enough for long enough will erase the actual event along with the blood.

He waits for her to go before he does anything like that, though, and by the time she's out of the room he's repressed that bit of hysterics. Still, sitting alone in the room makes him feel the loss more, and he finds himself wringing the rag in his hands so much his hands are hurting.

After a minute or two, he throws the rag across the room and gets to his feet, marching back to the basement door with a speed a purpose opposite his usual sick reluctance to go there. He doesn't bother hiding the sound of the slamming door.

Obviously it's too late to take anything back from the worms. But that's not what he's here for, anyway. It's just that he's remembered -- everything that's truly his is now in this room. Every bit of the tiny happiness he'd managed to carve out for himself against the wasteland of "useless" and "failure" and "trash" has now been devoured, leaving nothing behind but bits of bone. Now, there's just him alone in his worthlessness, and he doesn't think he can handle that. He can claim Makoto and Shirou as his, in a way. Kariya is still here. But it's not the same. They're all outsiders, things that belong to other people that he clings to out of desperation to feel like he's connected to the world.

They're all just borrowed. What's his is gone.

He's too cowardly to do anything like throw himself in. Kariya would notice anything live in there and stop it, anyway. But he can't think of what he should do, so for lack of better option he sits with his back against the door gives into the gaping hole in his heart and the need to break down and cry so hard it leaves him dry heaving.]

TRAINWRECK AU MASTER POST

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