streetwalkers | TRAINWRECK AU MASTER POST

[ she gasps, looking rather dismayed that he's call her something like that even though she definitely just murdered his only son in cold blood. she's having a little more trouble composing herself as her eyes start to tear up, too. she doesn't want to think she killed someone for nothing! she was trying to do good things. ]

But... I did it because I love you! I love you so much! [ it's all she ever wants really, is to be shown love. she never gets it in this shitty place and it was all because of shinji and kotomine. so how did this get so fucked up? it was a fool proof plan. ] I-I'm a good girl...

[ she's confused. for the moment, her moronic and frightening thoughts of destroying kirei kotomine and playing in his guts for just a little while fly away because daddy needs her help. ]

Mm. Okay. [ she'd do whatever he wanted, ultimately. crouching down, she gathers shinji's legs. she had actually forgotten to consider shirou. while she thinks she could beat him, she wasn't going to argue at this very second. ]

You're a crazy fuck is what you are. You're damnded lucky I don't just let Shirou gut you.

[In that regard, he doesn't have to hold back. He can lash out. That much is more than deserved. There isn't anything he can say to her that could hurt as bad as he's hurting right now, after all. It's all he can do to stay composed enough to help. If he had his way, he'd just give up and die. But there's kids to think of, so instead he tries to hold it together for now.]

Let's just... We can throw it in the basement. They'll take care of it.

[ she's still not sorry she killed him, but she's sorry that he's upset. though she does flinch visibly when he suggests the basement. that would be the most efficient, for sure, but it really sets in what she's done and how disrespectfully they're going to dispose of him. did anyone really deserve to be fed to those things even if they were awful? she's not even sure she knows the answer. ]

Y-you said he was why things were this way... th-that's what you said! That it was his fault! That it was Kotomine's fault! I'm sorry -- [ she sniffles, standing up and making her way down the hall, helping carry shinji. she feels sick to her stomach. she's never killed anyone on her own, actually. she always had lancer do it. everything felt so surreal right now. ]

You should be sorry. Do you think your dad wants you dead when he's mad at you, or when you're being a brat?

I-I've never said such horrible things to my father! I would never strike my father!

Yeah? Well you're still nuts, so I bet he can understand how I feel anyway.

I-I thought I was doing a good thing... I thought I was defeating a monster for you... [ he keeps wavering between defensive and defeat while her legs start to shake more the closer they get to the basement. ]

You weren't.

[That's all he has to say on the subject. All his concentration is on not melting down, so he has no time for someone else's panic.

Once they get to the basement, he takes a deep breath to steady himself against the gut fear, and kicks the door open with one foot.]

Just shut up and throw it.

[ fuck. she doesn't quite comprehend having done something wrong, because she's never wrong. she only knows that byakuya is really unhappy with her and that feels like a stab to her own chest. swallowing the lump in her throat, she bites her bottom lip and they toss shinji to the worms.

wow.
that's really gross.
damn, son. ]

[Well. There it goes.

This is, somehow, less terrifying than when it was Shinji's mom getting eaten by worms. Then again, she wasn't dead yet when she got thrown in there.

It actually makes him feel kind of numb.

Huh.

He's really gone that easily, huh?

Maybe Byakuya can just be done, now.]

...Let's clean the floor.

[ the worms are eager as always and shinji's corpse doesn't last very long before it disappears completely into the writhing swarm. makoto can't really help but stare in both admiration and horror, never really having witnessed them in this particular brand of "action". her knees still wobble and her hands still tremble; her heart still aches knowing that even after saving him from one of his assaulters, byakuya was unhappy with her. (to say the very least.) she exhales, ragged before he speaks and nods compliantly in response. ]

Mm. [ silently, she follows. a mixture of both docile and rigid and she collects cleaning supplies with byakuya and they begin to work on removing all evidence that any gruesome murder occurred here. everything she's said in her defense so far, her evaluations of shinji's character down to her proclamations of love for byakuya haven't done anything but anger him, so she's unsure of whether or not she ought to even open her mouth.

it frustrates her, though. and though she doesn't cry audibly, her tears mix in with the bleach she uses to scrub the floor clean. she doesn't understand how doing the right thing could leave her feeling this awful. she wants to go home. maybe no one will ever love her here. maybe she's ruined her chance. ]

[If he really hated her, he'd have pushed her off the stairs. To be honest, he strongly considered it, too. But no, for some reason he feels attached. As much as it's killing him to have Shinji gone, he can't stand the idea of losing more kids. So instead he just stays quiet, helping clean with a mechanical kind of thoroughness.

It's as if a switch inside of him is turned off. He's blank, because if he wasn't he wouldn't be able to cope at all. For now, it's enough just that his body is still moving.]

[ she sort of wonders why he didn't, too. if he hurts enough, he ought to. she's not used to messing up like this and she doesn't know how to make it better she doesn't want shinji to be back, he NEEDS to stay dead where he belongs for byakuya's safety, but... ]

I th-think... th-this is clean enough. [ she stands, looking down at her bloodstained clothing. ] I'm going to change.

...Yeah.

[He doesn't say anything else because he doesn't want to let her in on what's going through his head right now. The floor is definitely clean. He's not drunk or crazy enough to hallucinate. But somehow he feels like it's not clean enough -- it won't ever be. There's a weird, raw impulse in his chest telling him to just keep scrubbing, as if trying hard enough for long enough will erase the actual event along with the blood.

He waits for her to go before he does anything like that, though, and by the time she's out of the room he's repressed that bit of hysterics. Still, sitting alone in the room makes him feel the loss more, and he finds himself wringing the rag in his hands so much his hands are hurting.

After a minute or two, he throws the rag across the room and gets to his feet, marching back to the basement door with a speed a purpose opposite his usual sick reluctance to go there. He doesn't bother hiding the sound of the slamming door.

Obviously it's too late to take anything back from the worms. But that's not what he's here for, anyway. It's just that he's remembered -- everything that's truly his is now in this room. Every bit of the tiny happiness he'd managed to carve out for himself against the wasteland of "useless" and "failure" and "trash" has now been devoured, leaving nothing behind but bits of bone. Now, there's just him alone in his worthlessness, and he doesn't think he can handle that. He can claim Makoto and Shirou as his, in a way. Kariya is still here. But it's not the same. They're all outsiders, things that belong to other people that he clings to out of desperation to feel like he's connected to the world.

They're all just borrowed. What's his is gone.

He's too cowardly to do anything like throw himself in. Kariya would notice anything live in there and stop it, anyway. But he can't think of what he should do, so for lack of better option he sits with his back against the door gives into the gaping hole in his heart and the need to break down and cry so hard it leaves him dry heaving.]

[ she changes her clothes and puts them in the garbage, steps into the shower and washes her hair and makes sure she gets everything clean, but she can still see him when she closes her eyes. she can hear him while she rinses off. the slam of the basement door is loud enough to startle her and send a chill down her spine. eventually stepping out onto a fluffy bath mat, she towels herself off and puts on a clean dress. clean, bare feet against the floor boards travel back to shinji's room to find nothing.

she walks to the kitchen to find nothing.
to byakuya's room to find nothing.
shit.

so she runs, no, races down the hall to the basement and throws the door open, sobbing. she'd thought he had...
thought he had... ]

NO, PLEASE DON'T! I'M SO SORRY --

[ she chokes on her own hyperventilation, the most real and vulnerable she's felt in months. the least guarded she's been since she arrived in this world and the thought that she could lose this version of her father based on her own mistake YES mistake breaks her down into something resembling an actual fucking human instead of a crazy bitch from planet yanface. her knees slam against the floor with her hand still on the doorknob and it takes her a moment to process the fact that he's right there in front of her and not yet dead. she hates this. she wants to die. she wants to trade places. the only thing worse than living in a place where she can never be properly loved is living in a place where she can only be hated and scorned instead.

she just wanted to take your pain away.
this wasn't what was supposed to happen.
she was wrong. ]

[Nope. No. He can't do it. Looking at her is too hard. Their features are too similar -- all the things they inherited from him, all the things they inherited from their mother. He can't stand it, and at the same time he can't seem to look away. He sits there, curled up tight and peeking over his folded arms at her with puffy, bloodshot eyes, not saying anything for a long few minutes.

What does he do? He can't be around her, going into the future. Still, he can't stand the idea of letting her die. He knows Shirou will be uncontrollably angry when he gets home, and someone is going to have to pay for it. Even if he can hold him off for a few days with stories of boarding schools and mail order electronics, it won't last long. Once the lies are uncovered, it's inevitable that those responsible will be killed. And they'll deserve it. As awful as Shirou is, he's already lost the people he loves too many times. It's too cruel to take someone he relies on away from him yet again, and someone ought to be punished for that.

But it doesn't have to be Makoto. No, Byakuya doesn't want to see that happen. So-- so why doesn't she just go away? He can send her somewhere, like he'll say he sent Shinji. She'll be safe, and when Shirou needs to snap...

Yeah, it's fine. Byakuya will just die. It's all his fault in the end anyway.]

...Hey, Makoto. I won't forgive you unless you do exactly what I tell you from now on, okay?

[It'll be fine. He knows exactly where she'll be safe, and find a chance of going home. He gets up, and puts on his best cold and business-like expression.]

[ there's a weight in her chest. guilt.
she knows that she owes byakuya the world right now. ]

I... I'll do anything.

You'll go to the Tohsakas.

[He does his best to take a commanding tone as he stands, keeping his arms wrapped around himself and edging towards the door. This is important. It's the last thing he'll have a chance not to fuck up.]

Pack a bag and leave right now. I'll call and talk to them. Sort it out somehow... Nobody has better acess to stuff about parallel worlds. They'll figure it out. Anyway. Shirou's gonna be nuts so you need to hide for awhile. Don't call, don't come here, don't leave the Tohsaka house unless your life depends on it, or you'll die. I'll call for you when it's safe.

[ she wants to scream; to say no and stay by his side. he doesn't want her, though, so it's pointless. she already agreed to his demands, anyway. she's silent when she nods. just once. in the back of her head, she knows that he is doing her a favor. while she thinks she would be just fine up against either kotomine; that he shouldn't underestimate her at all, she knows that there's likely no changing his mind on the subject. daddy was stubborn, always.

she hates the tohsakas, but she hates the thought of any byakuya hating her more.
so she'll listen, if only because of that. ]

Mm... [ she's agreed. it's official. ]

TRAINWRECK AU MASTER POST

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