streetwalkers | TRAINWRECK AU MASTER POST

...Yeah.

[He doesn't say anything else because he doesn't want to let her in on what's going through his head right now. The floor is definitely clean. He's not drunk or crazy enough to hallucinate. But somehow he feels like it's not clean enough -- it won't ever be. There's a weird, raw impulse in his chest telling him to just keep scrubbing, as if trying hard enough for long enough will erase the actual event along with the blood.

He waits for her to go before he does anything like that, though, and by the time she's out of the room he's repressed that bit of hysterics. Still, sitting alone in the room makes him feel the loss more, and he finds himself wringing the rag in his hands so much his hands are hurting.

After a minute or two, he throws the rag across the room and gets to his feet, marching back to the basement door with a speed a purpose opposite his usual sick reluctance to go there. He doesn't bother hiding the sound of the slamming door.

Obviously it's too late to take anything back from the worms. But that's not what he's here for, anyway. It's just that he's remembered -- everything that's truly his is now in this room. Every bit of the tiny happiness he'd managed to carve out for himself against the wasteland of "useless" and "failure" and "trash" has now been devoured, leaving nothing behind but bits of bone. Now, there's just him alone in his worthlessness, and he doesn't think he can handle that. He can claim Makoto and Shirou as his, in a way. Kariya is still here. But it's not the same. They're all outsiders, things that belong to other people that he clings to out of desperation to feel like he's connected to the world.

They're all just borrowed. What's his is gone.

He's too cowardly to do anything like throw himself in. Kariya would notice anything live in there and stop it, anyway. But he can't think of what he should do, so for lack of better option he sits with his back against the door gives into the gaping hole in his heart and the need to break down and cry so hard it leaves him dry heaving.]

[ she changes her clothes and puts them in the garbage, steps into the shower and washes her hair and makes sure she gets everything clean, but she can still see him when she closes her eyes. she can hear him while she rinses off. the slam of the basement door is loud enough to startle her and send a chill down her spine. eventually stepping out onto a fluffy bath mat, she towels herself off and puts on a clean dress. clean, bare feet against the floor boards travel back to shinji's room to find nothing.

she walks to the kitchen to find nothing.
to byakuya's room to find nothing.
shit.

so she runs, no, races down the hall to the basement and throws the door open, sobbing. she'd thought he had...
thought he had... ]

NO, PLEASE DON'T! I'M SO SORRY --

[ she chokes on her own hyperventilation, the most real and vulnerable she's felt in months. the least guarded she's been since she arrived in this world and the thought that she could lose this version of her father based on her own mistake YES mistake breaks her down into something resembling an actual fucking human instead of a crazy bitch from planet yanface. her knees slam against the floor with her hand still on the doorknob and it takes her a moment to process the fact that he's right there in front of her and not yet dead. she hates this. she wants to die. she wants to trade places. the only thing worse than living in a place where she can never be properly loved is living in a place where she can only be hated and scorned instead.

she just wanted to take your pain away.
this wasn't what was supposed to happen.
she was wrong. ]

[Nope. No. He can't do it. Looking at her is too hard. Their features are too similar -- all the things they inherited from him, all the things they inherited from their mother. He can't stand it, and at the same time he can't seem to look away. He sits there, curled up tight and peeking over his folded arms at her with puffy, bloodshot eyes, not saying anything for a long few minutes.

What does he do? He can't be around her, going into the future. Still, he can't stand the idea of letting her die. He knows Shirou will be uncontrollably angry when he gets home, and someone is going to have to pay for it. Even if he can hold him off for a few days with stories of boarding schools and mail order electronics, it won't last long. Once the lies are uncovered, it's inevitable that those responsible will be killed. And they'll deserve it. As awful as Shirou is, he's already lost the people he loves too many times. It's too cruel to take someone he relies on away from him yet again, and someone ought to be punished for that.

But it doesn't have to be Makoto. No, Byakuya doesn't want to see that happen. So-- so why doesn't she just go away? He can send her somewhere, like he'll say he sent Shinji. She'll be safe, and when Shirou needs to snap...

Yeah, it's fine. Byakuya will just die. It's all his fault in the end anyway.]

...Hey, Makoto. I won't forgive you unless you do exactly what I tell you from now on, okay?

[It'll be fine. He knows exactly where she'll be safe, and find a chance of going home. He gets up, and puts on his best cold and business-like expression.]

[ there's a weight in her chest. guilt.
she knows that she owes byakuya the world right now. ]

I... I'll do anything.

You'll go to the Tohsakas.

[He does his best to take a commanding tone as he stands, keeping his arms wrapped around himself and edging towards the door. This is important. It's the last thing he'll have a chance not to fuck up.]

Pack a bag and leave right now. I'll call and talk to them. Sort it out somehow... Nobody has better acess to stuff about parallel worlds. They'll figure it out. Anyway. Shirou's gonna be nuts so you need to hide for awhile. Don't call, don't come here, don't leave the Tohsaka house unless your life depends on it, or you'll die. I'll call for you when it's safe.

[ she wants to scream; to say no and stay by his side. he doesn't want her, though, so it's pointless. she already agreed to his demands, anyway. she's silent when she nods. just once. in the back of her head, she knows that he is doing her a favor. while she thinks she would be just fine up against either kotomine; that he shouldn't underestimate her at all, she knows that there's likely no changing his mind on the subject. daddy was stubborn, always.

she hates the tohsakas, but she hates the thought of any byakuya hating her more.
so she'll listen, if only because of that. ]

Mm... [ she's agreed. it's official. ]

TRAINWRECK AU MASTER POST

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