streetwalkers | COLLEGE AU MASTER POST

[This feels right. The whole last year has been a lot of "wrong", and it makes the contrast all the sharper. This is where he should be, and he feels whole the way he hasn't in months just from the warm sensation of being held and nuzzling his face into Cu's hair.]

Good. I'd hunt you down and break your arm.

[Cu can't help but laugh as he squeezes Diarmuid close. And maybe it's too soon. Maybe the smart thing to do would be to feel things out more first, but Cu's never been one for logic. This feels like his first stroke of good luck in a long, long time, and he doesn't want to let it get away]

That mean you're gonna come back with me?

[He pauses a bit before answering. He wants to just say "yes" without even thinking about it, but there's a lot more to it than just moving his bags to Cu's car and going.]

...The tickets are already bought. And I'd have to tell my father...

[But his arms tighten around Cu anyway -- he doesn't want to put six inches between them right now. Half a world seems impossible.]

[Oh. Oh. Well.

Never mind about that luck thing.]

...so. How long 'd we got?

I should be leaving already.

[He should, but he's not getting up. He's just clinging like he's terrified of letting go.]

...But I don't want to.

[The responsible thing might be to hurry Diarmuid along. Maybe. But right now Cu doesn't want to be away from him again. He doesn't want to go back to feeling like something's missing. So perhaps it's okay to be a little selfish.]

Then stay...

[He punctuates that with a nip at Diarmuid's ear]

Call your dad.

But--

[He goes quiet for a moment, as what he wants to do battles mentally with what he feels he ought to do.

But it's okay to do something because it feels right, isn't it? It's good to do some things for himself, not to please someone else. It's Cu who taught him that, so he sniffs, rubs at his eyes, and gets up to go for his phone. He doesn't go far -- there's visible nervousness in the way he stays just in touching range, and in the way the fingers of his free hand twitch and flex like they're longing to be laced with someone else's. But he calls, and it just may be the first time Cu's heard him tell his father "no".

It doesn't quite get heated, but it's close. Aengus obviously thinks it's foolishness to run right back to someone to left Diarmuid alone and miserable once already. But the point is that he was miserable because Cu wasn't there, and he'll be just as much so if he goes home by himself right now. He's getting audibly stressed and desperate by the time it quiets down, and then he's muttering "okay" and giving Cu a cautious look.]

He says he wants to hear why I should trust you anymore. From you.

[But of course, it isn't just his father who will hear that answer, and D feels like he's standing on a knife-edge, pulled between two precious people and wondering who, if anyone, is going to catch him when he falls.]

[Cu isn't the nosy sort. He has a habit of tuning out what's going on around him, sometimes even when it's relevant to him. Conversations, phone calls, class lectures, it tends to all float around in the background, not because he's spacy, but because he can't be bothered to care all that much.

In stark contrast, listening to Diarmuid speaking to his father makes him feel almost scared. They haven't been together even an hour, and the longer Cu listens to Diarmuid argue, the more he begins to think that that's all the time they'll have.

Ferdia told him before, there are planes and the internet and shit like that. It isn't like he was wrong, but why go through all that when he could just have Diarmuid right next to him instead?

When the phone is finally handed to him, he gapes at it stupidly for a moment, because as far as he's concerned he's a fuck-up who really can't afford to fuck it up right now.

So after a bit of a scared sigh, he takes the phone and just. Rambles.]

Hi, uh. Sir...

[Politeness. Maybe. Fuck, he doesn't know]

Look, I can't really say if he should trust me because that's his decision. I hope he can, though. Because, shit--

[A beat. Oops.]

Uhm. Uh. Sorry, meant to say I uh, hope he can because I've seen people before, and that means I've broken up with people before. Including this girl who was upset enough to hit me with her car. And every time, it sucked but life went on, you know? You miss 'em for a while and then you move on.

And I tried to do the same thing with Diarmuid, you know, because people tell you that's what makes sense and is healthy. But it was like something with missing, even when I wasn't thinking about him. And nothing felt normal because I guess you don't just give up and move on when you're talking about someone you really care about. More than anyone or anything before.

I know I was a jerk. But I know better now, and I just--

[He pauses and takes a deep breath. It doesn't occur to him that Diarmuid is listening too, but regardless, saying something this heartfelt and sappy is foreign and daunting]

I want to keep him happy and safe if he'll let me. I wouldn't feel right doing anything else.

[That little speech is enough to stun Diarmuid and his father into silence. There's a pause that stretches far longer than it really is, and then D reaches out to gently pluck the phone from Cu's hand.

Before he can, Aengus' voice comes in soft and a little apprehensive. It's a simple question, but a lot hangs on it.

"Do you love him?"]

[Cu stops Diarmuid's hand halfway to the phone, lacing their fingers together.]

More than anything.

[And then he'll push the phone into Diarmuid's free hand with an affectionate smile]

[The response on the other line is a sigh, resigned but not unhappy. Diarmuid squeezes Cu's hand, returning his smile as he takes the phone.]

You see? I'm staying. I'll call you again later.

[Discussion ended, he pockets his phone. He's not sure what to say to Cu right now, but he figures he can start by pulling his hand to his lips and brushing kisses over his knuckles.]

And now, I go wherever you take me.

COLLEGE AU MASTER POST

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