streetwalkers | ROLESWAP AU MASTER POST

Then why the fuck are you doing it?

Because he's making me! Like everything else!

[Everything that Shinji pretends doesn't happen. Everything that's caused the faint echoes of screams that are totally just wind around the corners of the house.]

[ his hand shakes a little when he hears the breakage in byakuya's voice. he wants to open his book back up and pretend like this conversation never happened. like

maybe if byakuya died he could just
pretend that byakuya never existed
there was never a byakuya at all
could he do that?

but somehow, while pondering this, their eyes get locked.
and he thinks that maybe he actually can't do that. ]

Aa -- [ fuck. ]

and you really think you'll die?

[He's not good at holding eye contact, so it only lasts a second. After that he buries his face in his knees, digging his nails into his arms and shaking.

He hates his life, but that doesn't mean he wants to die. Not yet, and not like this. He deserves better than that.]

Definitely. There's no chance.

[ this is not really ideal.
this would inconvenience shinji's life.
the one time someone actually told him something.
he wished he hadn't heard. ]

Then. [ he wouldn't be able to push this down and shove this back. there's this pull in the pit of his stomach that tells him it's not possible.

but. he's a smart guy. (the smartest.)
he can be resourceful.
especially if it means sticking it to that guy. ]

What do you want to do, Byakuya?

[ he's dead serious. he needs to know. ]

[What does he want to do?

That's something he's never really had to think about. He's never really been able to, except late night fits of pointless wishing. All his life so far has been doing what Grandfather says. If he does well, he won't get fed to the worms. If he keeps trying, he'll be valuable to the family. If he does what he's supposed to long enough, obediently enough, then maybe he'll be rewarded.

But it still doesn't take long to think of an answer. It's been there all along, he's just never allowed himself to dwell on it for long. Thinking is what keeps him awake.

He stays curled up for a moment longer, then looks up at Shinji with an expression best defined as "terrified and desperate".]

I want to run away. But that's not possible...

[ shinji thinks this way because shinji does exactly what shinji wants. though this freedom did come at the price of overall neglect and scorn, but who is really keeping score here. shinji doesn't know about worms or about being put to death. all he knows is that he's been called useless since the day he was born.

and he grew up resenting his brother. hating his brother. wishing terrible things would happen to his brother. now, when he's faced with what could be the very worst thing that could happen to byakuya... he doesn't really want that.

maybe that paranoia of his wasn't so unfounded after all. maybe. ]

Of course it's possible.
You just have to want it badly enough.

No, it's not! He can hear everything in this house. He's already heard this, definitely. If I try to go anywhere he'll just--

[More things he shouldn't say, there. He probably shouldn't have said anything at all. The fear is completely overwhelming, and as always he's not strong enough to keep himself from dissolving.]

There's no point! It's over no matter what!

[ shinji grits his teeth, hissing low. ] If you don't want to do anything about it, then why the fuck would you tell me this way? Do you have any idea how selfish that is?

[ he sets his book down and reminds himself page 457 as he swings his legs over to stand. ]

I could have just thought that you died in an accident. I could have accepted that. But to know that you went and died in that sort of way -- ? [ his lip curls, looking down on his brother. ]

I may hate you, but I won't accept that.

Edited 2013-08-04 09:18 (UTC)

I don't want to be killed and no one knows it, Shinji! I had to tell somebody... But you can just celebrate, can't you?! You will, that's just you!

[ this is getting annoying. he wants to slap byakuya. he wants to punch byakuya. but he doesn't want that old motherfucker to kill byakuya. if byakuya is gone, then what would happen to shinji? it would get even worse. being in this house would actually become hell, rather than some bothersome purgatory. ]

Stop that. Shut up before I kill you myself. [ his eyes are razor sharp. ]

You wanna leave?

[ even before taking into consideration how the pleading, terrorized look in his brother's eyes has a vice grip on his heart, shinji fucking hates this place anyway. ]

[Byakuya's pathetic fear is working to Shinji's benefit this time. That look makes him quiet down, taking a big deep breath to keep from sobbing.

Of course he wants to leave. But he can't. He'll just be killed--

...But then, he's going to be killed anyway, isn't he? So maybe it's worth trying? Maybe not. But he's being offered a chance, isn't he? One he doesn't have to make for himself alone.

He bites his lip until it starts to bleed, but he also nods.]

[ it bothers him, seeing byakuya like this.
it isn't as if he hasn't seen him looking terrified before, it's been a near constant his entire life. but with the shared knowledge that his days are truly limited, shinji can feel his fear and pain a little more directly. it's an inconvenience and shinji doesn't like it one bit. especially because it isn't something he can twist into a half-truth and shove it into the back of his headspace.

exhaling, he picks through his stacks of books with a sense of seriousness.
he settles for two more, including the one he has in his hands. books good enough to go with them, wherever it is that they're going. grimacing as he looks up, shinji reaches over and wipes most of the blood on byakuya away with his thumb, smudging the rest. it probably tastes like dust and old paper. ]

Go pack a bag.

Edited 2013-08-04 18:30 (UTC)

[~~Well that was gay.~~ He's not sure how to take that gesture. It's something that feels a little tender, but everything else between them is anything but, including the look on Shinji's face.

They won't be allowed to leave. He's sure of that. But he might as well try, so he reluctantly slinks off to grab what little he thinks he can't do without. Speed is essential. The longer they stick around, the harder it'll be to go.]

[ ~~it's shinji were you expecting something of a not gay variety? because have i got news for you~~ he doesn't want to see it. shinji hates seeing things that he is unable to deny. this house makes it difficult, which is why he has no qualms about leaving at the drop of a hat. he's smart; he can go anywhere and accomplish anything he wants. ]

Meet me back here.

[ his eyes are still sharp. byakuya probably already knows to hurry, but shinji's expression suggests it anyway. he too, exits to pack a small bag for himself. clothes, a blanket, his books and a tooth brush.

a wad of money he'd stolen for emergencies just like this. when he ran away he didn't intend on having byakuya with him, but as long as he didn't slow them down too much, it would probably be alright.

maybe shinji could teach him to be less insufferable to be around. maybe.

when he returns to the room, he unlocks the bay window. he's jumped it before and been okay. he could certainly do it again. he looks over his shoulder once he's done surveying the height. ]

You ready?

Yeah...

[He holds his backpack to his chest tightly, shrinking as if he expects something to lash out at him at any moment. If he strains his ears, he can convince himself he hears the slithering in the walls. How far will they get? Why hasn't anything happened yet?]

Watch out for bugs...

[ he wrinkles his nose before swinging his feet outside of the window. he tosses his bag down, where it lands on the grass with a rustle. while he surveys the height he's about to jump once more, he looks back at byakuya. ]

M'going first. Once I'm down there, toss me your bag and follow.
Don't say anything.

Just run with me, and fucking keep up.
Got it?

Mm.

[That he can do. He's not as athletic as Shinji, but he's not so out of shape that he can't run when his life depends on it.

So he'll do exactly what he's told. He'll watch Shinji, he'll follow him, and he'll run as if death is right at his heels. It might as well be, after all.]

[ it's really high up. any person in their right mind wouldn't jump it, but living in this house has gotten shinji to do more reckless things. with a deep breath, he hops off the window sill and tries not to make a sound when the dirt beneath his shoes send a jolt of pain shooting up both of his calves from sticking the landing. he stumbles, but is otherwise just fine. he extends his arms to catch byakuya's bag. ]

[Throwing the bag is the easy part. Jumping from a high place, on the other hand, is scary. It's only the fact that staying is even scarier that allows him to do it.

His landing is terribly ungraceful. He can't stifle the yelp when his knee twists, and he stumbles sideways into Shinji. Normally he wouldn't get close enough to touch, but this time he finds himself clinging to his brother's shirt.]

[ the bag is caught with ease and tossed next to shinji's. he watches with precision as byakuya jumps, ending up with his hands on his shoulders to steady him. he eventually breaks off and stands up straight, glancing to byakuya's knee to silently ask if he's alright. ]

[He shifts back and forth a bit, confirming that he can put weight on that leg. It hurts, and he's sure it'll swell and stiffen by tomorrow, but for now it's workable.

Reaching for his bag, he slings it over his shoulder and starts to walk away. Shinji might be the leader, but Byakuya's eager to run. He can feel them being watched, and he has the distinct sense that they're being allowed to run right now. That might bode ill for later, but he'd still rather not wait for the old man to change his mind.]

[ shinji doesn't feel any of this paranoia. he's shut it out years ago, so he picks up his bag and follows until he's back in the lead and breaks into a run -- though a bit slower than he would normally go, out of an odd concern for byakuya's leg. he frowns, not liking to feel obligated or held up. man, these sibling sort of feelings today have really been nothing sort of a huge pain in the ass. ]

We're running until we absolutely can't anymore!

[ but in the end, to allow byakuya to be killed wouldn't be right.
he's a shitty brother, but he isn't a bad person. he's not like every other motherfucker in this family. ]

Okay.

[Pain is something he can ignore, when it's minor. That's something he learned a long time ago. Magic is painful, using it is painful. He hasn't had to be infested with worms for training to have hurt.

So he powers through it, running after Shinji with an unusual amount of determination. He's a whiny, uncertain, wishy-washy kind of person. He's always unsure of where he's going or what he's doing, always swinging between superiority and inferiority and pride and self-loathing. He changes his mind as fast as he changes his moods. This, though, he's sure of. He has to get away.]

[ so they run. shinji looks over his shoulder every so often, glaring at byakuya threateningly, as if telling him not to slow down. to tell the truth, he's surprised, maybe even impressed by the fact that he's keeping up. they run until shinji's lungs are on fire and he can't feel his feet. he stops, inhaling sharply. they're several miles from the house. he reaches into his pocket, touching the money he's got. ]

W-We're gonna take a bus. [ he breathes. ] It doesn't matter where. The first one that's leaving.

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