streetwalkers | IT'S TRUE

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kida masaomi

IT'S TRUE

[When Mikado didn't immediately show up to see him in the hospital once he was conscious, Kida was surprised and hurt. When he didn't show up for the first week, he was worried. When he didn't answer his phone, that worry turned into fear. Now, seven weeks and two days since he woke up and another two months since he was hospitalized in the first place, all without a sign of Mikado, Kida's just... sad. Lonely. Guilty. Obviously it's his fault, right? Because of what he did, Mikado's done with him. Because he wasn't obedient enough, loving enough, trusting enough -- he wasn't good enough in any parameter. It's been a long time coming, right? Once Mikado was rid of him for a few days, it must have been a huge relief. His life must be infinitely better without that burden on him all the time.

So when he's released from the hospital, Kida's already decided. He won't ask for anything else. He'll go and get his things so Mikado won't have to look at them (erase any sign he was ever there, if he can), and then he'll disappear. What does it matter if he has nowhere to go? No one deserves to deal with him, so it's better that way. He's not sure if he'll try to continue living or not, but if he doesn't he'll definitely make sure to go far away first, or arrange it so he'll never be found (or at least never identified). He doesn't want Mikado to feel guilty (not that he has any reason to).

He's determined not to do anything to make it harder on Mikado. He's determined not to cry, or fuss, or anything that would be inconvenient. The only trouble he'll ever give Mikado again is the trouble of seeing him long enough to empty his presence from the apartment. He shows up carrying a plastic bag full of hospital take-homes and an empty cardboard box, face set in a gentle smile that doesn't even touch his eyes, and knocks.]

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It's okay. I'm not mad...

[He should be. He knows that. But he can't bring himself to be. It's a lot easier to just throw away any anger in favor of reaching for what he wants now.]

You should be....

[Not being mad is not the healthy reaction, Mikado is pretty sure.]

I don't want to be.

....Okay.

[What else is he supposed to do, argue why Kida should be mad? He just wants to hold Kida right now and not let go. So he does that, instead.]

[There's not much point in arguing. They both know he ought to be mad and they both know how unhealthy it is that he's not. But they should also both know that they're both too tired to deal with it if he were right now. Cuddling is a much better prospect at the moment.]

Let's just stay like this, okay?

[It really is pointless when they both know all the reasons and Kida's not mad anyway. Arguing would just be... Stupid. So Mikado kind of rolls onto his side, tugging Kida a bit to hold him and nods.]

Like this, then. Tell me if you get hungry.

I will.

[Right at the moment, he's too happy to want to move. What he is though is worn out, so it only takes a few moments before he starts to nod off.]

[Mikado is pretty wide awake, but he stays with Kida even as Kida drifts off. Slightly bored, spacing out, but not moving so Kida can sleep.]

[The next week is actually peaceful. They're walking on eggshells, but it's better than all the fighting and violence and tears from before. They look for and find a new place, a step up from the one before with a real bedroom and furniture, and now they're moving in. They didn't have much, but just as expected Kida's a lot more excited about the bed than anything. Call him spoiled, but he spent 16 years with a real one and is more than happy to have one again.

The boxes haven't been unpacked and the mattress is bare, but he's still flopped in the middle of it, stretching out as much as he can.]

[They had to buy sheets for it, it's not like Mikado had any. They're on top of one of the boxes, and Mikado opens the package as Masaomi flops.]

Here, if you're tired enough to nap already, help me make the bed.

[The peace is tentative and fragile, Mikado trying his best to act normal. Acknowledging anything that's happened between them seems like such a bad idea for now, it's too raw. So mundane things... Can keep them occupied. Mikado's kissed Kida a few more times, not much different than the first one, and held his hand more, but that's about the level of progress they've made physically.]

I'm not tired, I just like the bed.

[Regardless, it would probably be even better with sheets and pillows. He drags himself back up, waiting for Mikado to toss him the other side of the sheet.]

[Mikado does! And together they get sheets, pillows and even blankets on the bet. It is made. And ready for Kida to flop on again.]

[Mikado's not unthrilled with a bed himself. He had one back when he lived with his parents, even if he'd gotten kind of used to the futon.]

Well you did pick it out...

[he will flop, but he's going to reach for Mikado's hand immediately when he does and pull on it]

It's important! No more backaches from not both fitting!

[Mikado is pulled forward, his knee bracing on the edge of the bed to keep from falling on top of Kida.]

Is that what you were worried about?

Not just that.

[continues to tug]

C'mere.

[Climbs up onto the bed with the tug, hesitating a moment before carefully leaning over Kida and bracing with one arm by his head, the other still holding hands.]

So what else?

[Kida's free hand? It is being very useful. By which I mean he is putting his finger on Mikado's nose and leaving it there.]

Well, you have been owing me something for awhile...

[Goes a little cross-eyed trying to look at it.]

...What's that?

Boyfriend duties.

[He knows you know what he means.]

I told you I was gonna wear you out.

[Blinks a little, surprised, and even gets the lightest bit of pink in his cheeks. Not a full blush but it's something closer to normal.]

...You make it sound like a lot of work. I dunno...

[Normal is good. Kida's trying very hard to seem normal, himself. There's still a lot of flinching, and he still goes silent when Mikado seems annoyed. There are moments he has to go into the bathroom to panic and others where Mikado might catch him staring into space as if he's not quite there mentally. But mostly, he's putting on a happy face with the hope that if he keeps it up it'll become real.]

Well I'm not letting you out of this bed until you do it.

...Eh... That's kidnapping...

[Mikado isn't right himself. He has insomnia most nights and when he does sleep he has nightmares that send him to the bathroom to throw up. He doesn't eat much, still, though he pretends to poke at his food so Kida can pretend to think he's eating it. Facades are pretty fragile, but they're trying.]

[He does lean forward to kiss Kida though, firmly.]

Yep!

[He smiles into that kiss, putting his arm around Mikado's neck to keep him there. This is better. After all that time of Mikado being afraid to touch him pleasantly, it's also needed. Kida has every intention of wrapping himself around Mikado and not letting go.]

[It's not that Mikado thinks differently about this being a good idea or that he believes Kida is strong enough to handle it. He doesn't, really. But he doesn't think he's a good person himself anymore so he doesn't feel that much like holding back, not when this at least makes Kida feel wanted.]

[He hasn't done this before but it's not like he doesn't have an idea what you're supposed to do, and hormones are pretty good helpers with directions too. He swings one leg over Kida's hips so he's braced above Kida, straddling him, the hand not bracing himself disengaging from Kida's hand to travel over Kida's chest above his clothes, touching while they kiss.]

[Kida is definitely not as strong as he used to be. But this is one of the things about himself that he's been desperate to recover for some time. His sexuality is his, and he misses feeling good about it and having it be enjoyable. It's something that he has to reclaim on his own, too. It won't just come back. So even if he knows it's going to be hard at first, he's determined to make his body his own again.

If he can make his reflexive flinch a shiver instead, if he can kiss back hard and hold on tight, he'll be okay.]

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digitalemperor - 2013-08-01 06:46 (UTC) - Expand

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