streetwalkers | IT'S TRUE

[When Mikado didn't immediately show up to see him in the hospital once he was conscious, Kida was surprised and hurt. When he didn't show up for the first week, he was worried. When he didn't answer his phone, that worry turned into fear. Now, seven weeks and two days since he woke up and another two months since he was hospitalized in the first place, all without a sign of Mikado, Kida's just... sad. Lonely. Guilty. Obviously it's his fault, right? Because of what he did, Mikado's done with him. Because he wasn't obedient enough, loving enough, trusting enough -- he wasn't good enough in any parameter. It's been a long time coming, right? Once Mikado was rid of him for a few days, it must have been a huge relief. His life must be infinitely better without that burden on him all the time.

So when he's released from the hospital, Kida's already decided. He won't ask for anything else. He'll go and get his things so Mikado won't have to look at them (erase any sign he was ever there, if he can), and then he'll disappear. What does it matter if he has nowhere to go? No one deserves to deal with him, so it's better that way. He's not sure if he'll try to continue living or not, but if he doesn't he'll definitely make sure to go far away first, or arrange it so he'll never be found (or at least never identified). He doesn't want Mikado to feel guilty (not that he has any reason to).

He's determined not to do anything to make it harder on Mikado. He's determined not to cry, or fuss, or anything that would be inconvenient. The only trouble he'll ever give Mikado again is the trouble of seeing him long enough to empty his presence from the apartment. He shows up carrying a plastic bag full of hospital take-homes and an empty cardboard box, face set in a gentle smile that doesn't even touch his eyes, and knocks.]

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[Goes a little cross-eyed trying to look at it.]

...What's that?

Boyfriend duties.

[He knows you know what he means.]

I told you I was gonna wear you out.

[Blinks a little, surprised, and even gets the lightest bit of pink in his cheeks. Not a full blush but it's something closer to normal.]

...You make it sound like a lot of work. I dunno...

[Normal is good. Kida's trying very hard to seem normal, himself. There's still a lot of flinching, and he still goes silent when Mikado seems annoyed. There are moments he has to go into the bathroom to panic and others where Mikado might catch him staring into space as if he's not quite there mentally. But mostly, he's putting on a happy face with the hope that if he keeps it up it'll become real.]

Well I'm not letting you out of this bed until you do it.

...Eh... That's kidnapping...

[Mikado isn't right himself. He has insomnia most nights and when he does sleep he has nightmares that send him to the bathroom to throw up. He doesn't eat much, still, though he pretends to poke at his food so Kida can pretend to think he's eating it. Facades are pretty fragile, but they're trying.]

[He does lean forward to kiss Kida though, firmly.]

Yep!

[He smiles into that kiss, putting his arm around Mikado's neck to keep him there. This is better. After all that time of Mikado being afraid to touch him pleasantly, it's also needed. Kida has every intention of wrapping himself around Mikado and not letting go.]

[It's not that Mikado thinks differently about this being a good idea or that he believes Kida is strong enough to handle it. He doesn't, really. But he doesn't think he's a good person himself anymore so he doesn't feel that much like holding back, not when this at least makes Kida feel wanted.]

[He hasn't done this before but it's not like he doesn't have an idea what you're supposed to do, and hormones are pretty good helpers with directions too. He swings one leg over Kida's hips so he's braced above Kida, straddling him, the hand not bracing himself disengaging from Kida's hand to travel over Kida's chest above his clothes, touching while they kiss.]

[Kida is definitely not as strong as he used to be. But this is one of the things about himself that he's been desperate to recover for some time. His sexuality is his, and he misses feeling good about it and having it be enjoyable. It's something that he has to reclaim on his own, too. It won't just come back. So even if he knows it's going to be hard at first, he's determined to make his body his own again.

If he can make his reflexive flinch a shiver instead, if he can kiss back hard and hold on tight, he'll be okay.]

[Mikado hesitates a little, half unsure of what to do, half too observant for his own good and that was a flinch but... But okay. He keeps touching Kida anyway, kissing kind of slow and lazy as he semi stalls for time. In theory he knows how this works, and it's not like he feels particularly hesitant about it itself. There's not a lack of attraction either, but the back of his mind is still telling him this is really fucked up (exciting) and he needs to figure out how to ignore that. All of it, the "don't" and the excitement over what he shouldn't do and the disgust at the excitement that makes him want to lash out a little.]

IT'S TRUE

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