streetwalkers | ROLESWAP AU MASTER POST

[ the concept of family is a detached one, to say the least. they didn't come from a normal family; shinji had no concept of actual familial emotional relationships. while in their youngest years they connected in a more organic, family way, after the strain and estrangement that had been endured until this point it all seemed a little fuzzy and disconnected. byakuya was a comrade. byakuya was a living, breathing fountain of confidence for shinji. whatever byakuya couldn't do, shinji could. it made him feel invincible, really. in the most delusional, childish ways possible. it wasn't as if he'd planned for this situation to develop, but it had happened and he didn't appear to take any issue with following up on it. he was a person of impulse, after all and this, at least to shinji, felt as if it had occurred naturally enough.

he wrinkles his nose at byakuya's tone and suggestion, still in enough of a heated daze to look him over as if he was a piece of meat. ]

You didn't answer my question.

The way you're looking at me right now is gross.

[It makes him feel small, and a little subhuman. Like one of the specimens in the basement, something Zouken's familiars dragged in that he was expected to practice on. A strange bug or a transient bum -- they were things either way, to do with as was wanted or required.

Maybe it's not quite like that, but it feels similar. Does Shinji want him because it's him, or because he makes Shinji feel important? Is it because there's any value in Byakuya himself, or because Byakuya's dull and tarnished existence leave Shinji looking bright and valuable in comparison? Or maybe it's just as simple as it seemed. Because Byakuya is too weak to reach out to anyone else, he can only rely on his brother. That means that no matter what, Shinji is the one and only thing that he has. Essentially, he can't ever leave Shinji, and he can't ever outshine him.

That's that feels gross, more than anything. It's the knowledge that their relationship is always twisted enough that this would just be another layer of shit on the shit cake. And it's the strange feeling that they're hovering on a ledge right now, and if that happens -- if they become like that, it might just be enough to push them over, into a dark place that neither of them will ever be able to escape (and maybe that only Byakuya will ever want to).]

[ with a frustrated sigh, shinji retreats to settling down beside him. ultimately, despite his adrenaline inspired rush of physical urgency, he's in pain and probably suffering from a concussion. the point of this daring rescue of his was so that byakuya wouldn't cry anymore, so making him cry, even in his hazy state, was obviously a no-go. backing down wasn't exactly something he was familiar with, so it's treated like the elephant in the room. possibly next to the other elephant that represents his previous attempt at incest. whatever. just because he isn't on top of byakuya anymore doesn't mean he isn't close, however.

deep down, he wants byakuya because he's byakuya. while there hasn't been any great conscious reveal of this, since the day he took him away from fuyuki these sorts of feelings have been developing. silently, and patiently until now. shinji hadn't realized, he simply wants what he wants. he's frowning now, as much as one can with one decent eye left. there is most certainly value in byakuya beyond the validation he feels in himself, but not really any other way for shinji to articulate it. physicality, at the time, seemed like a decent way to cross that bridge. ]

M'not gross. [ the very tips of his speech start to slur, just another reminder of the day's failure. further proof that neither of them were great at anything and they were more alike than either of them would ever want. he tucks himself into byakuya's shoulder as they lie there on the dirty floor, insistent and stubborn. his good eye keeps threatening to close; his body threatening to sleep now that he isn't actively trying to get into his brother's pants.

both of which are and were bad ideas, for a variety of reasons. ]

Yeah, yeah. You're just Shinji.

[And Shinji is not in great condition right now. But Byakuya's not sure what to do about that, other than to worry. Is it okay for Shinji to sleep? How badly hurt is he, after all? But if he can't sleep, when can he? And what is Byakuya supposed to do in the meantime?

He doesn't know the answer to those questions. He also doesn't know what to do about the weird way that, even though he was afraid a moment ago, and even though he's sure he wanted it to stop there, he still feels a little bit empty when Shinji isn't right there in his space. It's good that he stays close, and Byakuya scoots even closer to watch him.]

You sure you shouldn't go to the hospital?

You have to give your name at the hospital -- [ he mumbles. and honestly, despite everything, if he was sharp enough to remember that he'll probably be okay. just make sure he doesn't start puking his guts out, maybe? and he'll probably feel like shit tomorrow, for multiple reasons. either way, he would probably take a hundred more blows to the head for byakuya's sake. having a purpose is pretty cool, even if it hurts like a bitch sometimes. ] S'fine.

[ byakuya probably couldn't get him away from being at least a little close, and especially not right now. brow knitting as he grumbles, he shifts position once more against the floor boards. ]

Hospital sucks anyways.

I guess...

[He sighs, pressing his face against Shinji's shoulder for a moment before sitting up suddenly with a yawn. The closeness is nice, but the floor's a bad idea.]

Let's go to bed, then.

[Shinji can take that as a compliment. Byakuya almost never sleeps. Usually he hangs around awake until he falls asleep in the middle of something, and then only dozes fitfully. "Going to bed" is a rare and unusual sign of relaxation.]

[ lucky you, byakuya. shinji has just enough dexterity to crawl into the bottom bunk, where he's fully intent on staying. though he grumbles and complains as he pulls himself off the floor, even the thin mattress underneath him feels worlds better. aching and dizziness from the night's events are settling in and he feels like maybe he could sleep for several days.

mumbling while he pulls off his lightly blood stained shirt, he opens his good eye. ]

You gonna sleep, too?

[ shinji had sort of hoped that byakuya at least slept during the day while he was gone. he wasn't a very deep sleeper and woke up frequently, almost always seeing byakuya sitting around with a book or looking out the window. the rings around his eyes told shinji that byakuya didn't really get enough rest, but he still hoped that maybe he would. despite not being great at it, shinji likes sleep. even when he has a shitty dream, it can't be worse than having a shitty day, right?

he rolls over, allowing byakuya some more space on the mattress.
this is also something they haven't done in a really long time. ]

Yeah. I'm tired...

[He's always tired, but this time he thinks he could actually sleep. He carefully gets into the bed with Shinji, ignoring the fact that this isn't their routine at all. A smaller bit of closeness is a fine compromise for earlier. He'll just snuggle in close and take advantage of the warmth.]

Good. [ the farthest from their routine they could get, really. though shinji is inviting and oddly docile, if only from the stress of the day begging him to shut down for a few hours.

a rare occasion, shinji sleeps without dreaming. rather, it's heavy and comfortable. warm. maybe the best night of sleep he's gotten in weeks. it's unfortunate that it has to end, groaning before his eyes open just a while after sunrise. sore. everything is sore. his ribs; arms; forehead; his eye. though it just means that he's alive, isn't he? though he grimaces to himself, thinking he probably looks like hell.

he's tangled with byakuya and despite everything, it's oddly comfortable. maybe he should stay like this a while longer... ]

[Shinji only has to move the slightest bit to wake his brother up. Byakuya's a light sleeper, after all, and he's already woken and forced himself back to sleep a time or two or three by now.

Normally he'd have gone off to do his own thing, but he didn't want to bother Shinji before he was ready to get up on his own. Not with that injury. But when he opens his eyes and Shinji's are open too, he immediately makes a face and attempts to roll out of the bed.]

[ ah, yep. that sure is a cute expression. damn. looking a little smug, he smirks as much as one can with a huge black eye and exhales. okay, fine. he's up. they untangle, slowly and shinji rolls onto his back to try to stretch his aching muscles. ]

Mmmnngh. [ owwww. yeah, ok no more pickpocketing people taller than himself. fuck that. ] There's enough food for breakfast, right? [ since neither of them had dinner. ]

It's Monday, so I think I can get a delivery job today. [ he hasn't looked in the mirror. as far as he's concerned he's devilishly handsome anyway. ]

You should probably wait until your face doesn't look like a bruised melon.

[ come say that to my face you bitch ]

It can't be that bad! [ except it feels that bad. it definitely is that bad. ] I'm low on cash, okay?

So we'll be hungry today. You're gonna stand out, like that.

[ he grumbles and rolls over with no small amount of effort, thoroughly fucked up from his failed excursion the night before. now he really doesn't even wanna look to see. ]

Maybe one of the dock workers needs a loading crew overnight.
I could do that and no one would see -- [ as loathe as he is to admit he'd willingly deprive the public of his typically beautiful face. ] Don't just say "we'll be hungry" like it's fucking not a big deal. It's my job to make sure you've got food.

I don't care if we miss dinner, Shinji...

[It's not like he eats much anyway. Byakuya has never taken care of himself, and he hasn't gotten any better since they've been away from home.]

[ don't think shinji doesn't notice these things! he does. and it only makes him feel like he needs to work even harder to make money. they're supposed to be identical, but byakuya has always been smaller. it makes him feel inwardly guilty. ] Hmph.

[ but he's exhausted. so maybe if he sleeps all day, he can find a graveyard shift to take until "his face stops looking like a bruised melon". rude. ] I care. It fucking bothers me, alright?

Then I'll go out today. It won't ruin your husband image or whatever if it's just once in awhile, right? Besides, I'm getting sick of sitting in the same spot all the time.

Husband image, huh? So that's what you think. [ he groans, stretching. ] You don't have to.

[ he's scowling. it's a nice thought, but he's not sure exactly how hard byakuya will have to push himself. ]

It's fine. I'm bored anyway.

[Shinji can grumble and frown all he likes. Byakuya's going to grab for the coat anyway, fully intending to go. It's tough, but he figures he can manage for one day. If Shinji can do it over and over, Byakuya can't be so pathetic and useless as to be unable to scrounge up dinner money just once.]

I don't see how you could be. My company is electrifying.

[ he's gonna be irritable about you leaving either way. but maybe around dinner time he'll feel slightly more appreciative. ]

I mean bored of waiting while you're gone, stupid.

[He rolls his eyes as he closes the door behind him.

The city is scary, of course. Part of him likes sitting at "home" and never going farther than the convenience store down the block. That safe, and doesn't involve talking to people he doesn't like. The idea of being pampered and letting someone else take care of him is definitely more than a little appealing. Still, there's nothing to do in the hostel and it's starting to get monotonous. He can feel his mind going dull in order to cope, and he doesn't like it. So he goes out, determined to do something worthwhile and get some mental stimulation while he's at it.

He comes back around dinner time looking pretty proud of himself, with pockets full of change and two plastic bags full of groceries.]

Hey.

[ the best way to ignore things is to sleep!! shinji this figures out quickly. better to ignore his concern for byakuya being out by himself; better to ignore the fact that it's been well over twenty four hours since he's had anything to eat. he's back in byakuya's bed by the time he gets back in, a couple of scattered books on the bed spread jostling when he sits up to greet him. ]

Ah -- [ he's slow to open his eyes. especially the fucked up looking one. hey there, squinty. ] You were gone a while, I --

[ oh. it looks like he did well. shinji's impressed and maybe a little at a loss for words. ]

I...

I brought food. Had to kick someone in the junk once, but I think I did a pretty good job. Right?

[ he can only be stunned in a good way, seeing byakuya smile like that. and while he was currently in the mind set that he would be content looking after him for the foreseeable future, it was good to see him with some confidence about him. it'd been much too long. he swings his legs over the side of the bed, leaning in to get a better look.

yes, byakuya. you did. ]

Only once, huh? [ ok that's worrisome actually ahgdjasgd ]
I mean, y-yeah.

Of course you did good.

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