[That's not something he expected to hear. It's simple and obvious, and maybe that's why it's surprising. Still, he has to stop and think about that.
He is happy, isn't he? Despite all the changes his life has gone through recently and despite the differences between the two Gilgameshes, he can say without doubt that he's happy.
Looking at this small Gil beside him, he can't help but remember the last time he saw him. When he was sinking into that horrible mud and fading away, he'd still been able to smile. He kept encouraging Tokiomi until the last moment, so hearing "goodbye" had been almost too painful to bear. With all Kirei had told him, it had seemed like his future was impossibly bleak. But with Gil at his side, he was sure he'd be okay. So of course, even if it was the plan all along, losing his Servant had felt like a death sentence.
For the nine years following, he'd never really been content. It isn't that he didn't love the family he gained, or that he felt that they didn't love him. It isn't that life was difficult. It's just that he couldn't stop. No matter how dangerous it was to pursue magic at that point, there was a part of him that was always terrified to stand still. If he did, he'd have to give up on all the things Gilgamesh was proud of him for believing in. He just couldn't see himself being the same person without that goal. He couldn't see himself smiling if he had to accept that That Person was someone he'd never see again.
All that time, he continued to feel as if there was a void in his heart he was running to escape. When he finally succeeded in giving Gil a new life, he was different. Disagreeable and pompous and stingy with his affection, the person Tokiomi summoned was someone with whom he could never replicate the dynamic he missed so much.
And yet it seems that while they've spent the last year bickering and dancing around their feelings, they've become content. Without him even noticing, the hole inside of Tokiomi's heart has been filled up with happiness.
All at once, he realizes that the loneliness looming over him since his parents died is gone. It's only his stubborn, graceful pride that keeps him from tearing up at the relevation.]
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[That's not something he expected to hear. It's simple and obvious, and maybe that's why it's surprising. Still, he has to stop and think about that.
He is happy, isn't he? Despite all the changes his life has gone through recently and despite the differences between the two Gilgameshes, he can say without doubt that he's happy.
Looking at this small Gil beside him, he can't help but remember the last time he saw him. When he was sinking into that horrible mud and fading away, he'd still been able to smile. He kept encouraging Tokiomi until the last moment, so hearing "goodbye" had been almost too painful to bear. With all Kirei had told him, it had seemed like his future was impossibly bleak. But with Gil at his side, he was sure he'd be okay. So of course, even if it was the plan all along, losing his Servant had felt like a death sentence.
For the nine years following, he'd never really been content. It isn't that he didn't love the family he gained, or that he felt that they didn't love him. It isn't that life was difficult. It's just that he couldn't stop. No matter how dangerous it was to pursue magic at that point, there was a part of him that was always terrified to stand still. If he did, he'd have to give up on all the things Gilgamesh was proud of him for believing in. He just couldn't see himself being the same person without that goal. He couldn't see himself smiling if he had to accept that That Person was someone he'd never see again.
All that time, he continued to feel as if there was a void in his heart he was running to escape. When he finally succeeded in giving Gil a new life, he was different. Disagreeable and pompous and stingy with his affection, the person Tokiomi summoned was someone with whom he could never replicate the dynamic he missed so much.
And yet it seems that while they've spent the last year bickering and dancing around their feelings, they've become content. Without him even noticing, the hole inside of Tokiomi's heart has been filled up with happiness.
All at once, he realizes that the loneliness looming over him since his parents died is gone. It's only his stubborn, graceful pride that keeps him from tearing up at the relevation.]
...Mm. I think we're both happy.