[He feels guilty. But he feels guilty because he doesn't feel guilty, as it were. He doesn't feel like what he did was undeserved, but he feels like he probably ought to and being in trouble is painful and no little bit terrifying.
So by now he's curled in a ball in the corner, anxious and twitchy and seeing more things than usual. He tries to look up and focus on Cu, but he can't keep his eyes in one place unless he closes them so it doesn't work out too well.]
He kept defending that man. Saying he's a good person...
[leaning into the touch, but curling up more as he does]
I hate it. No one should pretend that people like us aren't monsters. If me being sorry makes him look forgivable, then I think maybe I should stop trying to be good.
[He can't accept that. Only a monster would kill someone he loves so dearly. He can't divorce his mental image of himself from the creature he becomes at only the slightest push.
He shakes his head, curling up as tight as he can manage with his injuries.]
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streetwalkers2012-11-07 01:37 am
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So by now he's curled in a ball in the corner, anxious and twitchy and seeing more things than usual. He tries to look up and focus on Cu, but he can't keep his eyes in one place unless he closes them so it doesn't work out too well.]
He kept defending that man. Saying he's a good person...
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...god, that fucking idiot.
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[puts his head back down, rubbing at the still-peeling burns on his face and neck
he's been doing that the whole time Cu's been gone and it's getting pretty red and raw]
He doesn't believe in monsters.
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Shirou only believes what he wants to.
[Once he's close and once Diarmuid's heard him, he carefully reaches out to pull that hand away from those burns]
He's a stubborn, stupid kid who just wants everyone to get along.
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[he's not to tears yet -- instead he's in that "posable doll" stage, letting Cu move his hand and speaking very softly.]
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[He stops to look Diarmuid over for injuries]
You hurt too?
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[slowly, hesitantly, he ruffles Diarmuid's hair]
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I hate it. No one should pretend that people like us aren't monsters. If me being sorry makes him look forgivable, then I think maybe I should stop trying to be good.
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[it takes a second for that to sink in with Cu]
Hey, don't go saying you're the same as him. He's not crazy, he's just sick.
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Just telling you the truth, man.
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He shakes his head, curling up as tight as he can manage with his injuries.]
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I know that you think you're too fucked up, but I'd still rather have you around than not.
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