streetwalkers | COLLEGE AU MASTER POST

[He stumbles when Takaya shoves his way inside and catches himself on the wall, leaning into it and watching his twin quietly, eyes narrowed.

Why the concern now? Why does he suddenly care when it's too late, when Kariya knows he's in too deep to do anything now? Why didn't they leave together when they had a chance? Surely if they had, they would have been able to protect one another, been able to look out for Sakura and Aoi, been able to prevent all of this.

Kariya bites his lower lip, and his fingers curl into the sleeve of his jacket in anger.]

It doesn't concern you!

[Finally he snaps back in reply, then stops and looks surprised at himself]

[Those words sting, though he can't say he didn't expect them at least a little. He looks, at first, like he's been slapped in the face -- and then he puts on a sad smile. It's the exact same smile he's made so may times before when things got bad, and more specifically when he's stood in front of something painful for the sake of his twin. It's the look that usually comes with the same words:

"It hurts, but it's okay. I'm the big brother, so I've got to protect you."

It's been said so often it's like a mantra, even though the time between their births is mere minutes and he's needed protecting of his own plenty of times. He's always tried, in his quiet way, to honor that self-imposed duty -- and that's why he made sure not to smile at all as he watched Kariya leave.

Now, though, he doesn't know what other face he's supposed to make.]

Hey, calm down. I'm not going to rat you out.

Then what are you going to do?

[Because as far as Kariya's concerned, anything else is pointless.

And when he sees that smile, he huddles closer to the wall, eying his brother suspiciously. He knows that smile, knows that means he's being looked at like an injured dog, and he almost lashes out to slap that expression off Takaya's face. He doesn't need or want that protection right now, not from the person who let him walk away]

...I missed you.

[There's no other way to put it but simply. He doesn't like the way he's being looked at, but that's his fault, isn't it? He set it up this way on purpose. He thought he could hold out and Kariya would be okay even if they never saw each other again.]

I thought if I stayed they'd leave you alone. I thought it was worth it, but I couldn't stand it anymore so...

Looks like I failed anyway, huh?

You abandoned me!

[Missed him? Missed him?

The words make something inside him snap, and even in his condition he manages to cross the room and grab Takaya by his shirt. He's not sure what to do from there, because anything he does would honestly scare him, but there's an anger and a desperation and a deep ache in the way his voice cracks when he screams those words.]

You can't miss me now!

[He doesn't resist being grabbed, though it does make him flinch. They haven't had many fights, and something as deep as this feels like his heart is being ripped out. He wants to scream back, to say that he was suffering too, but it's clearly nothing like whatever Kariya's been through, so that's something he certainly shouldn't say. He can't keep the heartbreak out of his expression though, and his own voice is shaky and emotional as well.]

I'm sorry. I was trying to protect you. They wouldn't have let us both go, Kariya. You should know that.

You should have come anyways.

[His grip loosens, but instead of letting go, he pulls Takaya close and slumps against him. He's still furious, and he doesn't want Takaya to think anything is even close to OK now, but feeling his twin close enough to hold is an overwhelming sensation that he can't shake off.]

I know. I'm sorry...

[He knows it's not okay. The easy, comfortable way they used to touch is missing entirely, and he can't ignore that coldness. Still, it's instinct to wrap his arms around Kariya and hold him close, even if it's probably not a welcome action. He has to. It's been like losing a limb having to live without him.]

Please forgive me. I won't leave you again.

You have to stay with me. Right here.

[He doesn't want help, he doesn't need help, and he repeats that to himself over and over again, but simply keeping Takaya here isn't accepting help. That's what he tells himself - it's not help, it's a need, something that he can't deny himself. If he sees that pity again, he'll stomp on it. He will. But if it's just having his twin here, just like this, close because he wants him to be close, then it's okay]

I will. I promise. I'll always be right with you, so...

[He needs to hear he's wanted. He can't stand the idea of being rejected now, when he was so ready to fall apart from loneliness. He wouldn't know what to do if he couldn't stay with Kariya. He can't go back to the family, and if he was entirely alone... just the thought makes him hold on tighter, and drop his face to his brother's shoulder.

He can't do it. He can't go on by himself, and it doesn't even occur to him that Kariya doesn't sound quite right.]

So I won't be alone again. Right?

['Not quite right' is an understatement. There's an absent, hollow quality to his voice, something that's worlds apart from the heartbreak and anger that was so audible only moments before. The thought of having Takaya back is oddly thrilling in a strange, possessive way that Kariya is completely unfamiliar with. He'll think to be scared by it later, but right now he's more concerned with clinging to his twin and making sure he can't go anywhere]

Right. No matter what, I'll never let you go again.

[He attributes that hollowness to whatever pain Kariya's been in lately. His brother is clearly badly hurt, and he has every intention of making it better as much as he can. Right now though, he's more concerned with just the feeling of being close and together again. The fact that Kariya is clinging back means a lot, and Takaya won't let go until he has to.]

[A small smile ghosts across his lips, and Kariya settles against his brother with an exhausted sigh. He's tired, and all the excitement is beginning to take its toll on his body.]

That's good. Really good...

[He coughs a bit, nuzzling close to Takaya]

Won't let you go either.

Good.

[He sighs a little, rubbing Kariya's back soothingly for a moment. He pulls back then, putting a hand on his brother's forehead an frowning with concern.]

...C'mon, it's late enough to go to bed. You can tell me about it tomorrow, but for now let's get some rest.

[When Takaya steps back, Kariya jumps a bit as he snaps out of that possessive mood. He gives the books left on the bed a worried glance, then turns to his twin]

Still not done reading, though--

Tomorrow.

[Taking Kariya's hand, he gently pulls him along. It's obvious enough whose bed is whose, so he'll just take those books and stack them on the desk, then sit on the edge of the bed and pat the space next to him.]

I'll even help you study.

[Kariya gives a bit of a sigh and plunks down next to Takaya with an exasperated smile. He can't argue against bed too much - he's exhausted, and sleep hasn't been easy lately. If he could curl up beside his twin, maybe that would change.]

I guess.

[He takes his jacket off once Kariya's sitting down, tossing it over the back of the desk chair. His shoes and socks follow, and then he puts an arm around his brother's shoulder and lets himself fall sideways onto the bed, dragging Kariya with him. It's playful and affectionate, something to remind them of days passed (and not even that long ago).]

Get some rest, Kariya. We'll be okay.

[And for now he'll hold his twin close, ruffle his hair, and try to rest.]

[He snuggles close, fingers gripping at Takaya's shirt - he doesn't expect to really sleep much. He never does anymore, it's just one of those things that never seems to work out between the insomnia and the night terrors and the nausea from exhaustion or medication. But his brother is warm, comfortable, safe, and before long he manages to fall sound asleep]

[He's thinking too much to get good sleep. This is all so much crazier than he thought it'd be, and he stays in a fitful dose, dreaming of everything that must have gone wrong.

In the morning he slips out of bed, careful not to wake Kariya. There's not much in the kitchen and he isn't sure what belongs to who, so after a few minutes' consideration he decides to head out and get groceries. He's back in an hour or so, in a slightly better mood than he woke up.]

[When Kariya wakes up, he's alone in the room. He doesn't take it well.

Before he thinks to call his brother or check for a note, he dissolves into a panicked rage, screaming as he slams a fist into the wall, cracking the plaster and his own thumb. Of course Takaya left, of course, he didn't know what he had been walking in to, he'd seen the condition Kariya was in, who would want to hang around and watch him waste away? No one. Of course. He'd lied about staying, and when Kariya thinks about what an idiot he was for believing it, he laughs and laughs until he's out of breath, curled on the floor and coughing up blood.]

[He hears the coughing the minute the door opens, and he panics. The groceries are dropped, milk spilling all over the floor, and the door is slammed shut behind him.

He doesn't stop to clean up before he runs for Kariya. It's as bad as he'd dreamed, it looks like. It isn't okay. His brother's blood is spattered on the floor, and Takaya feels his chest tighten painfully as he drops to his knees and puts his hands on Kariya's shoulders.]

H-Hey, Kariya! Are you okay-- No, you're not-- Should I call an ambulance?

Edited 2012-07-20 06:42 (UTC)

[The moment he hears Takaya's voice, he reaches out, grasping at his brother's shirt with his good hand. He tries to speak, he really does, but he has to cough again, and he can feel the blood dribbling down his chin. Takaya can see that, he's sure, and that makes Kariya tighten his grip because he came back but he'll get scared enough to leave again and he can't bear that idea]

Stay..!

[When he finally manages to speak, his voice is strained, his throat swollen from the coughing and screaming]

Don't leave. Never again...!

I'm not! I said I won't--

[That blood makes his own run cold, and instinctively he wants to hold Kariya, to find some way to take all that pain and illness on himself instead. But he's afraid to do more that lightly touch, just in case he makes it worse, and his voice cracks -- he doesn't even notice he's started to cry already, just from sheer panic.]

Y-You're really sick, Kariya. You need to go to the hospital, okay?

[He shakes his head slowly -- no hospitals. Not right now. Not when being there would make people question what happened to him. That would lead them right back to Zouken before long, and he doesn't want to begin to imagine what the consequence of that could be]

You let me go once! And when I woke up, you weren't there-- Thought you'd left because you were scared of me...you're not, are you?

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